I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
