After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
