I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
