Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
