Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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