Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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