Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
