pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
