The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
