this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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