My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
