i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
