I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
