You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
