why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
