y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
