I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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