She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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