i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
