Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
