hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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