Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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