Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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