so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
