I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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