If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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