For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
