In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
