So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
