they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
