you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
