What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
