i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
