I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
