Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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