yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
