In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
