Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
