her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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