Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
