yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
