I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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