I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
