I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
