you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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