When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
