Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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