Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
