My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
