Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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