Do you still have your period?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
