I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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