In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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